To the Asshat Who Used My Dog to Make More Puppies

Thanks, you ungrateful, horrible person. Because you are a jerk, and a rescue got my dog out of your clutches, I got the best fluffy fuzzbutt pet EVER.

Fuck you for using her as a breeder. Fuck you all the way to Hell and back. She is a LOVELY dog; she’s sweet and amazing, in SPITE of you and your bullshit. You suck, and if I could name and shame you I totally would.

I’m always amazed that dogs that get treated like shit like this still have love for humans. Mine is a total sweetheart. How she doesn’t hate our race is beyond me. But, she loves me; she  also lets random humans scratch her chin, and she’s a total treat whore when we go to the office to get a package (SPOILED).

Dogs > humans.

I love her. She’s totally amazeballs.

Adorable

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It’s Not “Just an Animal”

In light of a friend’s tragic loss of a beloved pet, and the close proximity to the 18th anniversary of my husband’s death, I feel the need to tell this story.

I dated Carl for about a year and a half before I married him. In that time, I had often expressed my desire to own a bird that talked. I thought they were fascinating, funny, and would be a great pet to have, but I never got around to having one.

Right before we got married, Carl brought home this little cardboard box. Inside was the cutest little piece of yellow fluff the world has ever known. My wedding present, Meep.

Meep01

She came with her name (she was a year old), and we soon figured out why. She didn’t chirp; her sound of choice was “meep, meep, meep!” It fit her, so we kept it.

She was *supposed* to be my bird, but she was daddy’s girl all the way. He had a mustache; she would scream happily when she heard him come up the steps, fly over to him, settle herself on his chest, and groom his mustache. She was totally his baby. She loved me too, but he was #1 in her book. It was incredibly cute.

She also never learned to talk (so much for a talking bird; I still loved the hell out of her). She could whistle; we tried desperately to teach her to do the theme from “The Addams Family” but she never quite got there. We loved her anyway.

When Carl died, poor Meep was hit the hardest. We shared a staircase with the next door neighbors, and while they didn’t share Carl’s enthusiasm of bounding up at top speed, she still thought that sounds on the stairs meant it was him.

After the funeral, and after everyone had gone home, and things returned to “normal”, I watched her dance around on top of her cage one night as the neighbor came up the stairs. She thought Carl had come home.

The hardest thing I have ever done in my life was to look at her and say, “That’s not daddy”. I kid you not, that bird looked at me, looked at the door, and turned her face to the corner. For a couple hours. It literally broke my heart.

So the next time someone tells you, “It’s just a cat/dog/bird” cut those people out of your life. They truly don’t get it. Not at all.

2015 Book List

Since it’s New Year’s Eve, I think it’s the perfect time to post up the 2015 book list. So, here in all its glory, is what I read in the last 365 days.

Post in the comments if you have book recommendations – I’m always up for a new book (or series!).

Divergent – Veronica Roth
Insurgent – Veronica Roth
Allegiant – Veronica Roth
Tales from the Nightside – Simon R. Green
Four: The Transfer – Veronica Roth
Four: The Initiate – Veronica Roth
Four: The Son – Veronica Roth
Four: The Traitor – Veronica Roth
Quick Fixes – F. Paul Wilson
Foxglove Summer – Ben Aaronovitch
Drinking: A Love Story – Caroline Knapp
Lily Cigar – Tom Murphy
Deadline – Craig McLay
The Locket Thief – Daniel Patrick
Identity (Eyes Wide Open, Book 1) – Ted Dekker
Mirrors (Eyes Wide Open, Book 2) – Ted Dekker
Unseen (Eyes Wide Open, Book 3) – Ted Dekker
Seer (Eyes Wide Open, Book 4) – Ted Dekker
Horns – Joe Hill (reread)
Winter’s Awakening – Karen Luellen
Heart-Shaped Box – Joe Hill (reread)
Balloon Animals – Jonathan Dunne
20th Century Ghosts – Joe Hill (reread)
Never Give in to Fear: Laughing All the Way Up from Rock Bottom – Marti MacGibbon
The Legend of Candy Claws – Aurelio Voltaire
Smoke Gets in Your Eyes – Caitlin Doughty
Joe – H. D. Gordon
Perv: The Sexual Deviant in All of Us – Jesse Bering
Paper Towns – John Green
The Fault in Our Stars – John Green
An Abundance of Katherines – John Green
Pioneer Girl – Laura Ingalls Wilder
Everything You Need to Know to Survive English Class – Blake M. Petit
Finders Keepers – Stephen King
The Lineage – Brian P. Easton
The Gift of Fear – Gavin de Becker (reread)
Enough of Us: Why We Should Think Twice Before Making Children – Cheryl Levinson & Ellis Levinson
The Jungle – Upton Sinclair (reread)
Four Past Midnight – Stephen King (reread)
Gastien: the Cost of the Dream – Caddy Rowland
Just After Sunset – Stephen King (reread)
Gastien: from Dream to Destiny – Caddy Rowland
Tristan Michel: Bloodline of Passion – Caddy Rowland
Giselle: Keeper of the Flame – Caddy Rowland
Gastien: Circle of Destiny – Caddy Rowland
A Crash Course in American Law – J. Ryan Jones
The Low Carb Revolution – John McLean
Embers: The Wings of War Book 1 – Karen Ann Hopkins
That Frequent Visitor: Every Face has a Darker Side – John Harker
The Eyes of the Dragon – Stephen King (reread)
Tampa – Alissa Nutting
The Farm – Emily McKay
Thinner – Stephen King (reread)
The Lair – Emily McKay
The Dark Half – Stephen King (reread)
What If? – Randall Munroe
The Vault – Emily McKay
The Bazaar of Bad Dreams – Stephen King
Circus of Horrors – Carole Gill
Blaze – Stephen King (reread)
The Glass Books of the Dream Eaters – Gordon Dahlquist

I Have Officially Become Old

I saw it coming when I actually had to look up who this Justin Bieber person was everyone was freaking out about a few years ago, but it’s gotten much worse since then. I find it amazingly ironic that I can chart my social consciousness downfall to Justin Bieber. Man, that’s so many kinds of sad I can’t even.

It started first, really, with movies (Well, really with Justin Bieber, but who really wants to give him credit for anything?). I’ve stopped really wanting to go to new movies at the theater (some jackhole is going to bring a screaming kid, even at 9pm, and I’ve become an old curmudgeon and I don’t need that bullshit in my life) and, *OMG GASP* it will show up on Amazon for $3. Yes, I have become this person. I’m trolling the $3 theater as we speak and deciding if it’s worth it (only because I have a gift card to use up) or if I should just wait until I can watch it at home in my jammies.

I Am Officially Old.

I’ll give you this – I held out MUCH longer than my parents did. By the time they were 30, they were totally ignorant of popular culture. I made it to 49. I’m just way too tired to care 80% of the time about some of the crazy shit you people find interesting, but the other 20% I’m totally into. I’m hoping I can make it to 60 before I just throw my hands up, say fuck it, and listen to Nickleback. Bitches. 😀

Just Because I Have an English Degree

Does not mean I am an editor/proofreader/copyeditor. And no, friend who inspired this post (you know who you are) I am not “calling you out” or “picking on you” but you DID bring something to my attention I feel needs to be addressed, so thank you. 😀

I have an English degree. I generally can proofread things for you, and I usually will; however, you NEED to know the difference between editor, proofreader, and copyeditor. Here’s a good place to start. And this ALSO gives you a really good idea of which order you should do them in.

We don’t necessarily have the same skills. I can proof like a motherfucker, but editing is just not my thing. I tend to translate it into my voice which kind of defeats the whole purpose. What you write isn’t what I would write and that’s fine, but if you ask me to edit you you’re going to end up sounding very much like me. Because I’m just not a good editor.

So, writing 101:  find an editor you like, who gets your voice, and can effectively edit you. THEN you can call me to proof. I’ll likely be happy to do it. 😀

However, if you ever want me to dissect Shakespeare or Jane Austen for you…call me. Bring a bottle of wine. 😀

Half Year Reading List

I’m a little late on this one, but here’s my reading list so far this year. What are you reading? Post in the comments.

Divergent – Veronica Roth
Insurgent – Veronica Roth
Allegiant – Veronica Roth
Tales from the Nightside – Simon R. Green
Four: The Transfer – Veronica Roth
Four: The Initiate – Veronica Roth
Four: The Son – Veronica Roth
Four: The Traitor – Veronica Roth
Quick Fixes – F. Paul Wilson
Foxglove Summer – Ben Aaronovitch
Drinking: A Love Story – Caroline Knapp
Lily Cigar – Tom Murphy
Deadline – Craig McLay
The Locket Thief – Daniel Patrick
Identity (Eyes Wide Open, Book 1) – Ted Dekker
Mirrors (Eyes Wide Open, Book 2) – Ted Dekker
Unseen (Eyes Wide Open, Book 3) – Ted Dekker
Seer (Eyes Wide Open, Book 4) – Ted Dekker
Horns – Joe Hill (reread)
Winter’s Awakening – Karen Luellen
Heart-Shaped Box – Joe Hill (reread)
Balloon Animals – Jonathan Dunne
20th Century Ghosts – Joe Hill (reread)
Never Give in to Fear: Laughing All the Way Up from Rock Bottom – Marti MacGibbon
The Legend of Candy Claws – Aurelio Voltaire
Smoke Gets in Your Eyes – Caitlin Doughty
Joe – H. D. Gordon
Perv: The Sexual Deviant in All of Us – Jesse Bering
Paper Towns – John Green
The Fault in Our Stars – John Green
An Abundance of Katherines – John Green
Pioneer Girl – Laura Ingalls Wilder
Everything You Need to Know to Survive English Class – Blake M. Petit
Finders Keepers – Stephen King
The Lineage – Brian P. Easton

No, I Don’t Hate Kids

I hate asshole parents. Asshole parents who think their child is a “special snowflake”, “spirited” (my particular favorite), or, and OMG excuse me while I barf over this one, “Indigo”.

YOU ARE THE REASON YOUR KID IS AN ASSHOLE.

Kids only know what they’re taught. If you teach them they are super-special, unique, above the rules, or otherwise entitled, YOU ARE NOT HELPING YOUR CHILD. You are SERIOUSLY contributing to the plethora of thirty-five year olds living in basements.

Just stop.