For starters, just look at that face.

Look, I love my cat. Frankly, the fact that she is cute is probably the only reason she is still alive right now. Let me explain.

Pixel is insane. Let’s start with the fact that she’s a calico (recessive red gene, born to be crazy) and also the fact that she was apparently taken away from her mother when she was two weeks old (says the former owner, who was a bit batshit herself…).

Then we’ll go on to the fact that she has a serious obsession with plastic bags. ANY plastic bags. You cannot set a plastic bag down in this house for more than ten seconds before she is all over it, chewing it to death. It is insane. I have actually had to put childproof locks on the cabinets so she cannot get to the trash bags. Yes, I recognize the irony of a childfree woman having to childproof her house…because of a cat.

Well, we thwarted that bad behavior (because, let’s face it, it’s not good for her and she usually ended up barfing on my bed at 3am – which was still cheaper than the vet bill had she managed to rearrange her intestines due to her obsession, which quite frankly had me extremely worried).

So, since she can’t get at the plastic, her new target is…the toilet paper roll.

Now, I’m less worried about this, as paper is fairly harmless, but WTF? I do not want to have to roll to the “unchewed” part of the roll when I want to use the paper. It’s an on-again, off-again thing, and when I catch her doing it while I’m putting on my makeup in the morning, I have to hide the roll in the cabinet before I go to work so that I don’t have chewed bits all over the house when I come home. WTF is wrong with this cat? Wow.

Also, WHY is there always a toy in the water dish? If it’s a “special” day, there’s one in the food dish as well. Currently the water dish toy is the YELLOW toy, so apparently yellow is her favorite color. Weird.

God help me, I live with a four-legged crazy person.