Tales from the Bike Trail

Wow, only my second time on the bike trail this year and already the idiots are out. This does not bode well.

Just a couple of tips, folks, when you’re out on the bike trail:

1) just because you have your dog on one of those five million foot long retractable leashes DOES NOT mean you can let him run at the very end of it. This is ESPECIALLY true if you’re letting the dog run on the OTHER side of the trail. You have now created a great accident-in-waiting for the poor bastard who comes tearing around the corner and sees you. Oh, and when I holler out I’m behind you and want to pass, you need to PULL THE DOG TO YOU, not stand there and stare like I’m somehow going to magically take flight and go over you.

2) to the lady who was letting her medium-sized dog take her out for a drag: you, madam, not only need to ditch the retractable leash, you need to hie yourself and your canine to an obedience class. Honestly, what was the point of getting the dog if you weren’t going to train it? You aren’t doing anyone any favors, lady.

3) to the lady who was absentmindedly staggering down the middle of the trail trying to slap at a mosquito (or an invisible hamster, how the hell would I know): watch where the hell you are going, and when I holler I’m passing on the left, DON’T walk that way. I ended up passing you on your OTHER left, you moron.

4) to the four teenage morons who thought lining both sides of the bridge for photo ops would be fun: hogging half the bridge like that is the bike trail equivalent to standing in a doorway. Don’t do it. I don’t care how cute Brittany will look with the stream behind her, I and the guy coming the other way would like to be able to use the bridge at the same time, which we could do if you weren’t SO SPECIAL AND IMPORTANT.

There are lots of people on the bike trail, and there are RULES for a reason. Coming downhill around a blind corner and finding some idiot blocking the trail is not only annoying, it’s dangerous. If everyone followed the rules, we could all enjoy the trail. The Earth revolves around the sun, kids. Keep it in mind.

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