Breaking Dawn: or Why there are Always Witnesses to a Trainwreck

You know, as an English major, I’m highly opposed to book burnings. But, in the case of anything written by Stephenie Meyer, I can see myself making a exception.

I’d donate these books to the annual Friends of the Library sale, but I suspect the library itself would spew these things out the front door faster than an eight-year-old who just downed a bottle of Ipecac.

I am really starting to suspect Meyer was in one of those Mormon ‘marry them off at ten’ cults, because honestly, WHO ELSE could come up with a teenager falling in love with an infant? I ask you, IN WHOSE WORLD IS THIS NORMAL BEHAVIOR? Look, I get fiction is, well, fiction, but even I cannot wrap my mind around this without puking up my lunch. Meyer, you’re sick. And your grammer sucks, in such a spectacular way that I suspect the light from your suck will not reach the Earth for a million years. Seriously, throw away your pen, typewriter, laptop, or whatever else you’re writing on. PLEASE, for the love of all that is holy. JUST STOP ALREADY.

I am so completely amazed and dazzled by the stupid that is Stephenie Meyer that I quite honestly cannot even rant properly. Really, if you want to enjoy the schadenfreude you need to read Mark Reads Twilight – he does it way better than I can.

Holy HELL.

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6 thoughts on “Breaking Dawn: or Why there are Always Witnesses to a Trainwreck

  1. Never read anything by her, but that does sound a bit odd. And it does kind of explain the Stephen King influence. I was discussing the weirdness of his love/sex scenes with an acquaintance who’s read a few of his novels, but isn’t a huge fan.

  2. King admits that he doesn’t really do sex scenes unless it serves the story; even then I don’t think it’s something he’s terribly comfortable with. Which is OK, not everyone can be Charlaine Harris in that respect!

  3. I’m with Kelly, Charlaine Harris can write some really good sex scenes. Stephenie Meyer, not so much. Well, she really can’t write anything with any kind of style or skill (or spelling, or grammar…) but that whole imprinting thing just screams pedophilia to me.

    • Oh, werewolves have the ability to “imprint” on a person (read woman, since the one girl in the pack is another story). So, once the wolf sees his “soulmate” he basically falls in love with her and they eventually will marry. SUPPOSEDLY this is to ensure the strength of future packs (so he’s picking “good breeding stock” as far as I can see).

      One kid in the third book imprints on a two-year-old. Jacob imprints on an infant. It’s sick.

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