I have hit full-blown depression mode on my recent near-layoff. Here’s a copy of a post I made on another site I visit, and it’s very true:

I’m *really* depressed right now. If it were just the job, I’m pretty sure I’d move on.

This, however, is like losing your entire family in a bus accident. My coworkers are AWESOME, I love them all (with one or two exceptions, but overall, yanno) and it hurts on a personal level that makes me wish I hated my job.

I didn’t. I LOVED my job.

I can’t explain how hurt I am right now. And, I am doubly hurt by the knowledge that most of the people I worked with on the shop floor are totally screwed, because they’re hourly and have no real job skills.

These are the people who, twelve years ago when my husband committed suicide, passed the hat and gave me over $200, when I knew they *barely* had $10 to spare.

The people who ALWAYS came through for each other, because we were all “family” and we all looked after our own. We ALWAYS “passed the hat” when someone fell on hard times, and everyone ALWAYS gave what they had. ALWAYS.

This is what hurts the most, right now. We’re a small plant; we all know each other – it’s like losing family.

That is what is killing me right now. I know I can do what I need to do to survive, but I know I’m at an advantage because I’ve got two Bachelor’s Degrees, and they don’t. That sucks.

I know I just heard about this today, but I’m fully in the grief cycle right now and I’d just like to wallow in self-pity for a day or two.

DBF called this evening to see how I was, and I let it go to voice mail. I can’t talk about it right now. Bless his heart for trying, but I. just. can’t.

And, it pisses me off that I can’t just be all strong and confident and move on.

Fucking bloody hell.