This place used to be a really small, rural community, and apparently most of that feeling is still around, because we get some really interesting requests.

Just the other day, an elderly couple came by and asked if there were any firefighters who could help move furniture. Now, I ask you, WHO AMONG YOU HAS EVER THOUGHT OF THIS? The awesome part was, a few of them went and helped. That’s pretty amazing, IMHO. Oh, in case I haven’t said it, FIREFIGHTERS ARE AWESOME!

We also get random calls to the main office number about grass fires. Um, call 911! Apparently people don’t understand that I can’t just walk out to the bay and say, “Oh, hey guys, can you check out the grass fire at so-and-so?” I can’t. Welcome to the 21st century, people.

Oh, and if you smell gas? CALL 911. Don’t call me and ask what you should do. Know what I’m going to say? Get the hell out of the house and CALL 911.

I’d really like to help you, but I’m just the accountant, and the only reason I’m answering the phone is because the office guy is busy doing something else (probably telling one of you to call 911).

The people in this town are awesome, but they really need to realize it’s not 1897 anymore.

911 people. 911. We’d rather get a non-emergency call than get an emergency call to the main office.

But if you need help with your furniture, let us know.

Biggest rant ever: WHY is a size 14 a size 16 AND a size 12, depending on what store you’re in or what clothing line you’re purchasing?

It’s 2012, people. CAN WE NOT ALL DO THE SAME MATH???????? REALLY???????????

And while we’re at it, WHY do clothing designers insist that fat girls want to wear colors that can be seen from space? Let me clue you in, Mr. Fashion Guru – I get enough attention for being fat. Being fat in clothes that can be seen from space? Um…NO. And your cuts are very unflattering. NEVER give a fat girl a shirt with an empire waist. Just sayin’. Dick. I get I’m not Kate Moss but FFS, I AM NOT COLOR BLIND. NOR AM I JANE AUSTEN. Just stop, already. Stop.

And while we’re at it, WHY establish women’s clothing sizes and then arbitrarily assign panty sizes that have no basis in reality? Are you SERIOUS? A size 10 panty is going to be a tent on a girl who can wear size 10 jeans. You ALL suck. STOP FUCKING WITH US ALREADY!!!!!!!!!

Kill me before I shop again.

Yeah, you know me.

So I give you, without further ado, my 2011 book list:

New Moon – Stephenie Meyer
Birth of a Killer (The Saga of Larten Crepesley) – Darren Shan
Rant – Chuck Palahniuk
Fiet’s Vase and Other Stories of Survival, Europe 1939-1945 – Alison Leslie Gold
A Matter of Taste – Fred Saberhagen
Ur – Stephen King
The Hunger Games – Suzanne Collins
Under the Dome – Stephen King
A Question of Time – Fred Saberhagen
Catching Fire – Suzanne Collins
Thirteen Reasons Why – Jay Asher
Mockingjay – Suzanne Collins
Misery – Stephen King (reread)
Séance for a Vampire – Fred Saberhagen
Pygmy – Chuck Palahniuk
The Colour of Magic – Terry Pratchett
Eclipse – Stephenie Meyer
Storm Front – Jim Butcher
A Sharpness on the Neck – Fred Saberhagen
American Gods – Neil Gaiman
Incarnadine: The True Memoirs of Count Dracula – R. H. Greene
Dead Until Dark – Charlaine Harris
The Devil You Know – Mike Carey
Breaking Dawn – Stephenie Meyer
A Coldness in the Blood – Fred Saberhagen
Ocean of Blood – Darren Shan
Horns: A Novel – Joe Hill
Full Dark, No Stars – Stephen King
One for the Money – Janet Evanovich
Stranger than Fiction – Chuck Palahniuk
The Golden Compass – Philip Pullman
The Subtle Knife – Philip Pullman
The Amber Spyglass – Philip Pullman
Living Dead in Dallas – Charlaine Harris
Club Dead – Charlaine Harris
Dead to the World – Charlaine Harris
Fool Moon – Jim Butcher
Vicious Circle – Mike Carey
Needful Things – Stephen King (reread)
The Vampire Diaries – The Awakening – L.J. Smith
Dead as a Doornail – Charlaine Harris
Grave Peril – Jim Butcher
Dead Men’s Boots – Mike Carey
The Vampire Diaries – The Struggle – L.J. Smith
A Game of Thrones – George R.R. Martin
The Vampire Diaries – The Fury – L.J. Smith
All Together Dead – Charlaine Harris
A Clash of Kings – George R.R. Martin
From Dead to Worse – Charlaine Harris
A Storm of Swords – George R.R. Martin
Dead and Gone – Charlaine Harris
A Feast for Crows – George R.R. Martin
Dead in the Family – Charlaine Harris
A Dance with Dragons – George R.R. Martin
Dead Reckoning – Charlaine Harris
Self-Made Man: One Woman’s Year Disguised as a Man – Norah Vincent
Summer Knight – Jim Butcher
Thicker than Water – Mike Carey
Frankenstein – Mary Shelly
Nightmares and Dreamscapes – Stephen King (reread)
11/22/63 – Stephen King
Death Masks – Jim Butcher
Looking for Alaska – John Green
The Graveyard Book – Neil Gaiman
The Naming of the Beasts – Mike Carey
Deryni Rising – Katherine Kurtz
Blood Rites – Jim Butcher
Drowning Ruth – Christina Schwartz
Palace of the Damned – Darren Shan
Deryni Checkmate – Katherine Kurtz
Riding the Bullet – Stephen King (reread)
The Help – Kathryn Stockett

What are YOU reading? Post up your faves here or ask me about my reading list. Book nerds unite!

Grimm: I LOVE this show. It’s like Harry Dresden as witch hunter. LOVE IT.

Once Upon a Time: Love this too. I’m intrigued as to how they’re going to work a second season into this, so we shall see. Deliciously good so far, though.

Suburgatory: Yeah, yeah, I know. I was hoping it was more Emma Stone in Straight A, but I’m holding out hope. It has some snarky funny moments, still.

The New Girl: I think I’ve finally given up the ghost on this one. I love Zooey Deschanel, but her doe-eyed innocence does not save this at all. It’s too much, IMHO.

Happy Endings: Surprisingly, this one cracks me up. A lot. Watched it on a whim, and settled in for the season. I like it.

Ongoing shows I’m watching:

Okay, I know, these aren’t “new” shows, but they are shows that have withstood the test of time, and I’m still tuned in:

Parks and Recreation: This cracked me up from day one, but now that I work for the government? Oh yeah, epic funny.

The Office: I LOVE THIS SHOW. If you’ve ever worked in Corporate America, you get it. Too funny.

House: I’m kind of over this one, but I loved the first four seasons and have committed to going down with the ship. The fact that Cuddy is nowhere to be found is a HUGE plus. God, I hate her.

That probably sums up my “regular TV viewing”. What are YOU watching?

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

While I’d imagine a good number of you understand corporate bullshit, you have NO IDEA about government bullshit. It’s the same bull, but it’s been twice as long since they mucked out the stall.

That said, and maybe because that’s been said, I’ve discovered that government employees (at least in my experience, but maybe that’s because I’m in local government) will bend over backwards to help each other. Probably because a lot of us have gone the public to government route, and everyone remembers having to basically relearn everything. Because the rules are completely different, kids. COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.

Government is very interesting in that they have some VERY SERIOUS RULES about when shit has to be done, and VERY SERIOUS CONSEQUENCES if you don’t get it done, and done correctly…but they want YOU to wait until the last possible minute for them to provide you with the information you need to do it. (County government, I’m looking at YOU. And yes, I know the shit probably rolls downhill from the State, and downhill to there from the Feds, but there you go).

So, you end up extrapolating data based on theoretical numbers, and then, two days before you have to GET SHIT DONE, you get the real numbers and have to redo EVERYTHING.

Okay, I’ll admit, I have 90% of the work done, it’s just a matter of plugging in the new number, but do they not realize how MANY different forms I have to fix this on? It’s not that it’s a lot of WORK, but it’s a DAMN lot of CHECKING. And double checking. And triple checking. Because if you screw up ONE number, you’re hosed. (And this is where the lovely helpful government people come in. THANK GOD for them, or I’d be drooling in a corner right now. You know who you are. Thank you).

That said, there were days too when I wanted to bash Corporate America over the head with a two-by-four, and this is basically the same thing. It really does take at least one year in government work before you get a feel for what is going on, because you have to go through all the processes and figure it out before you can feel like you’ve got a handle on things. So I’m halfway there. I’ve got budgeting and mill levies and end-of-year resolutions down pat, now. Next up…ELECTIONS!

Stay tuned, people. I’m pretty sure there’s going to be a big ‘ol rant come March. Just sayin’.

Coffee houses:

Just discovered this one today: The Coffee Tree EXCELLENT atmosphere, EXCELLENT coffee, and the Anthology Book Company is attached. Seriously love this place, and the egg nog whipped cream is to die for (yes, I blew my Atkins diet for this. It was worth it. Just sayin’.)

Dazbog Coffee This one is in the building I live in and it’s awesome. Great service, a couple of little “nooks” to hang out in to chat, and, of course, RIGHT DOWNSTAIRS. Gotta love that. Oh, and the coffee is really, REALLY good.

Bars:

The Sports Station Awesome wings, (AWESOME WINGS) great atmosphere, awesome patio in the summertime, and they always put the Avs game on. Love this place.

The Pourhouse – Chili that is to DIE for. Great atmosphere, and a really interesting and delicious appetizer menu.

Henry’s Pub – Great pub atmosphere, great service, cool place to hang out. It’s generally packed at lunchtime, and they have awesome specials.

4th Street Chophouse Awesome atmosphere. A bit pricey, but the food is great. GREAT.

The Black Steer You HAVE to see this place. The 60′s are alive and well here. The decorations are late 60′s western cheesy, they put Chex in the salads as croutons, and it’s seriously a blast from the past. You can either dine in the front or go to the “Rear of the Steer” and OMG it is all over retro awesomesauce. You have to go there once just to experience it. You will either love or hate the cheesy goodness. Frankly, I love it.

Breakfast:

Loveland is quite honestly lacking in breakfast choices. Or, I got REALLY spoiled living in Ft. Collins. Either way, there are some good places to go.

Sofia’s EXCELLENT breakfast, and they also do lunch and dinner, and tapas. They have a great patio for summer dining. Definitely a must!

The Breakfast Club Good food, fun atmosphere, and has a sister restaurant in Ft. Collins. No bad meals here!

Heartland Cafe – It’s the local hangout. They don’t even have their own website, as far as I can tell. However, place is a little backwater but the food is good, and it seems to be a favorite of the locals. I like it.

Still working on some other venues, but that’s what I’ve got within walking distance so far.

I got into a conversation with the guy next to me about all kinds of interesting stuff, and he went out for a smoke and came back to see I was playing Words with Friends on my iPhone. So, he commented that he’d play me, but he wasn’t “educated” (we’d talked about our professions) and that I might be offended if he beat me.

I told him no, just because he was blue collar didn’t mean I thought he was dumber than I was, and that I actually don’t mind losing, because I find it does teach me a lot of new words. He was being a bit facetious, but he was also kind of feeling out my opinions on employment and status and who is better than who.

And that got me to thinking.

The world needs a lot of different people – bartenders, chefs, accountants, engineers, mechanics, maids, ditch diggers, plumbers, etc. No one is any more special or any better than anyone else. We all have our place in the grand scheme of the universe and we are all doing our part to make sure the world runs smoothly.

I would NEVER look down on someone who is getting up every day and going off to do an honest day’s work. I am not “better” than a plumber because I went to college and he didn’t. Trust me, when my sink backs up, that guy is freaking GOD, because I sure as hell can’t fix it.

What I’m trying to say here, in my less than eloquent way, is that in my book, ANYONE who actually works to earn his or her living is A-OK in my book.

The people who piss me right the hell off are the able-bodied lazy assholes who stand around with their hands out like the rest of us owe them a living.

Um, NO. I’m all about a hand UP, but not a hand OUT. I get that people fall on hard times, but honestly, if your hard times have lasted three generations, there’s a whole different set of problems at play here. Perhaps it’s time to stop the gravy train so you can figure out that us working stiffs don’t owe you a living. Just sayin’.

What??? I knew he was going to do it too, the jerk, so I made sure I got his plate number. I took out an envelope, threw a business card in it, and wrote a note on the front for the parked car’s owner giving him/her the plate number and my info.

Now, it’s possible the guy didn’t hit the car hard enough to do anything, but seriously??? You just drive off? HOW FUCKING RUDE! And I’ll bet if someone did that to him he’d be screaming blue bloody murder right now.

This is what’s wrong with the world today – people not taking responsibility for their actions.