I Am the Son My Father Never Had…and I Learned By Osmosis.

I’m not even kidding. I DID follow my dad around and watch him work when I was a kid, but I never got beyond the stage of, “Hand me that wrench”.

Still, somehow, I learned a thing or two. Plus, I suspect I’m just naturally handy. In the six years I had my condo, I:

• rewired all the outlets – like, seriously, I would plug in the vacuum and the plug would LITERALLY fall out of the wall. NOPE. Also, ALMOND? How 1975 (okay, it was built in like ’77, so…) I went white.

• put in new light fixtures. Honestly, the hardest part of this process is to MAKE SURE THE ELECTRICITY IS TURNED OFF. No lie.

• fixed drywall. Okay, I’ll admit, I suck at this. But it was in a closet where I was going to install a stackable washer and dryer. It was a good place to try. I think my problem in this endeavor is that I completely lack the patience it requires to make this look good. Okay, well, I know my limitations now. I’ll hire that out in the future.

• replacing faucets. This is SUPER easy, provided you are part snake and can get under the sink. My back hurt for two days, but fuck it…I did it. Bathroom AND kitchen.

• painting. I ROCK at this. Seriously, tape is for amateurs. Get yourself a good angle brush and go to work on the trim. I painted a 900+ square foot condo over the course of probably a year, and it. Was. AWESOME. I even ripped off the cabinet doors (word to the wise, label them so you know where they go; they may all look the same, but they are NOT) AND even filled in the holes the previous owner made to put in unnecessary pulls. Those fuckers looked AWESOME.

I LOVED that fixer-upper project, but I’m too old and lazy to do it again. Now I rent and tsk tsk when someone else does it. LOL

Stop Apologizing for Being Childfree

I’m really happy there have been a lot of really good articles about being childfree coming out lately, but I have one problem with all of them.

Every last one. EVERY. LAST. ONE. puts in a line that says something like, “I’m not knocking parenting, I’m sure a lot of people find it fulfilling, but”…

JUST STOP IT, ALREADY.

Why do the people writing these articles feel it’s necessary to “apologize” for their opinion? Are they really that afraid of being attacked? I don’t understand the backpedaling here.

You have an opinion. Own it. There is absolutely NO reason to pander to people who want kids in an article about why you don’t. Have you EVER seen a parent do this? EVER? NO, YOU HAVE NOT. So stop it, already.

I swear this is one of the reasons the parenting set don’t take us seriously. Stop pandering, stop apologizing, stop being a freaking wuss. State your opinion, stand by it, and put on your asbestos underwear and deal with the people that don’t like it.

That is the ONLY way we are ever going to be taken seriously, so either fight the battle or go work in the cook’s tent and STFU.

The Dangerous Trend of Dragging Your Small Child Everywhere it Doesn’t Belong

I’m so ticked at this “blogger” that I have to comment. Look at this:  I’m an Idiot.

Also, grammar and spelling count. She fails at this repeatedly (just go look:  she’s a “reformed heroine addict” what, was Wonder Woman harshing her day? Was she addicted to Batgirl? The mind boggles) and she calls herself a writer. Hey, bitch, writing a badly written blog does NOT make you a writer. Get your shit published or STFU. But hey, she’s homeschooling the next generation. I’m SO excited that McDonalds will have no shortage of workers.

Now to address her idocy:

Back in the Dark Ages, when I was a child, there were kid things, and adult things. My parents hired a babysitter to go to adult things, or they (OMFG) STAYED HOME.

Our new parent entitlement society says kids should be allowed everywhere, all the time.

Um, NO.

Now? Kids go EVERYWHERE. Which is WRONG. And the first person who says, “But, we have to take them out in public to socialize them” is getting a brick to the head. You socialize your kids AT HOME. They learn manners at the dinner table – YOU teach them that there before you take them out in public.

This new generation of helicopter parenting and entitlement is going to swing back the other way. It currently is.

Having a kid is not anything spectacular. Sadly, in today’s society, being a GOOD parent is.

2014 Reading List

Since it’s the first day of 2015, it’s time to post last year’s reading list. Somewhere during the course of the year I stumbled upon Pixel of Ink, a place where you can pick up all manner of free Kindle and ebooks. I’ll warn you, though, go to Amazon and read the one star reviews, because while I found several hidden gems, I found a few horribly written and unedited pieces of utter garbage. The one star reviews are usually by the people who point this out. Also, because I get the book free, I do make an effort to go give it a fair review, good or bad. It seems like the decent thing to do.

So, without further ado, here’s what I read in 2014:

Libertarianism from A to Z – Jeffrey A. Miron
Broken Homes – Ben Aaronovitch
The Four Man Plan – Cindy Wu
Life Without Bread – Christian B. Allan, Ph.D. & Wolfgang Lutz, M.D.
The Undead Pool – Kim Harrison
Winter Omens – Trisha Leigh
What it Means to Be a Libertarian – Charles Murray
Skin Game – Jim Butcher
Coveted – Stephanie Nelson
Mr. Mercedes – Stephen King
Awakening (The Guardians) – Samantha Long
Betrayals in Spring – Trisha Leigh
Summer Ruins – Trisha Leigh
This Sceptered Isle: The British Empire – Christopher Lee
Cell – Stephen King (reread)
The Atrocity Archives – Charles Stross
Lisey’s Story – Stephen King (reread)
Memoria – Alex Bobl
The Gunslinger – Stephen King (reread)
The Drawing of the Three – Stephen King (reread)
The Waste Lands – Stephen King (reread)
Wizard and Glass – Stephen King (reread)
The Wind Through the Keyhole – Stephen King (reread)
Wolves of the Calla – Stephen King (reread)
Song of Susannah – Stephen King (reread)
The Dark Tower – Stephen King (reread)
The Witch With No Name – Kim Harrison
Eight Cousins – Louisa May Alcott (reread)
Dying to Forget (The Station, Book 1) – Trish Marie Dawson
Dying to Remember (The Station, Book 2) – Trish Marie Dawson
Dying to Return (The Station, Book 3) – Trish Marie Dawson
Gone Girl – Gillian Flynn
Irreparable Harm – Melissa F. Miller
Revival – Stephen King
Dark Places – Gillian Flynn
Sharp Objects – Gillian Flynn
Cold City – F. Paul Wilson
Dark City – F. Paul Wilson
Fear City – F. Paul Wilson
From a Buick 8 – Stephen King (reread)
Hexed – Stephanie Nelson

So, I Bought a Ford

Oh yes, my Michigan peeps are laughing at this. My dad worked for Chevy for almost 40 years. We HATED Ford. I had a moment of traitorship just looking at the thing.

But.

Back in ’06, when I got the Honda, I REALLY tried to find a Chevy. Granted, this was before the bailout, but still. Chevy had no good options, even with my dad’s employee discount (which I can get as long as my mom is alive, legacy costs, anyone?).

So I got the Honda Fit. I loved it. I still love it. I’d buy another one in a heartbeat.

But, when I was thinking about replacing the Honda, I went and looked at Ford first. I liked the fact that a) they bailed themselves out and b) they jumped on the technology bandwagon. Mostly B.

I leased a Ford Fiesta. I LOVE this car. The hands free cell feature is seriously the coolest freaking thing ever. I’m going to spring for the $60/year fee to see how the maps/directions work. If it’s good, I’m IN.

Yes, Saginaw residents. Do your worst. I bought a Ford.

Why I Never Go Home for the Holidays

I have a few reasons why I don’t go home for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I cemented this right after I moved from Michigan to Colorado (a journey I started the day after Thanksgiving, 1993. That might be telling. Or not).

First of all, I’m going from Colorado to Michigan. The chances of me having to spend my holiday in an overcrowded airport, stranded for three days of my four day weekend, are about 70%. No thank you. I like DIA, but not enough to live there over an extended weekend. And the crowds! Nopenopenope.

Second, the holidays are fraught with drama, even between relatives who see each other all the time. And apparently I have the singular ability to say some random offhand thing that offends someone and then we have Drama 101. So, no need to stoke that fire. Nope.

Third, I’m just not a big fan of Christmas. I LOVE Thanksgiving, because gorging yourself on turkey is probably one of my definitions of Utopia, but the whole holiday “shiny happy family” expectation thing just is NOT going to happen. Ever. I’d guess 70-80% of the population knows what I’m talking about. Everyone wants a Hallmark holiday, and then Uncle Gene barfs into the Christmas tree while Aunt Sally is screaming at Uncle Sam to STFU. It’s a thing.

I’d rather go visit when the weather is nice, there’s a good chance my flight will leave at LEAST on the day it was scheduled, and I can enjoy myself, because there is no holiday pressure.

Also, people need to get over the fact that if someone isn’t “home” for the holidays, they’re depressed. I assure you, I am quite happy to cook a 20lb. turkey for myself (yes, I REALLY do this – I freeze the leftovers and I have turkey for months – it’s AWESOME) and I hate Christmas so I don’t care that I don’t have a tree (I have not decorated since 1999). I drink vodka and binge watch Netflix – it’s AWESOME.

I’m also a little bothered by this concept of “home”. My home is here, in Colorado, in my apartment with my silly Shiba and my insane calico cat, and the friends I hang out with. My family lives in Michigan, and I visit them. But that is not home. I don’t live there. I don’t want to. That is not home.

You Know, I Used to Ignore the Homeless

About 99% of the time. Like you do. Like we ALL do, all of us who were born into the middle class. They’re losers, they’re hopeless, they have nothing to offer, they are the dregs of humanity.

Tonight I got addressed by a homeless guy sitting on a bench next to the liquor store, where I was heading to replenish my vodka supply (I LOVE that I can walk to a liquor store!). He asked for change. I had none; I rarely, if ever, carry cash. Still, I knew why he was sitting there. He was trying to pony up enough for a drink. When I told him I had no cash, he was incredibly polite about it, too, which is unusual.

So, when I went in to make my purchase, I got an “airline sized” bottle of vodka for him. It was only about a buck. As I passed him on my way home, I handed it to him, saying, “Hey, I know I didn’t have any cash, but I thought this might help you a little bit.”

He was incredibly grateful. Yeah, he’s probably an incurable alcoholic, he lives on the streets, and he’s begging for money for booze. I get that.

I also get he’s a human being, He’s not likely to change his behavior at this point in his life, and if it made him happy for ten minutes, then he at least got to be happy. I looked at him and realized how close many of us are to being him. So yeah, I supported his addiction.

And I’m not sorry.