I Have Officially Become Old

I saw it coming when I actually had to look up who this Justin Bieber person was everyone was freaking out about a few years ago, but it’s gotten much worse since then. I find it amazingly ironic that I can chart my social consciousness downfall to Justin Bieber. Man, that’s so many kinds of sad I can’t even.

It started first, really, with movies (Well, really with Justin Bieber, but who really wants to give him credit for anything?). I’ve stopped really wanting to go to new movies at the theater (some jackhole is going to bring a screaming kid, even at 9pm, and I’ve become an old curmudgeon and I don’t need that bullshit in my life) and, *OMG GASP* it will show up on Amazon for $3. Yes, I have become this person. I’m trolling the $3 theater as we speak and deciding if it’s worth it (only because I have a gift card to use up) or if I should just wait until I can watch it at home in my jammies.

I Am Officially Old.

I’ll give you this – I held out MUCH longer than my parents did. By the time they were 30, they were totally ignorant of popular culture. I made it to 49. I’m just way too tired to care 80% of the time about some of the crazy shit you people find interesting, but the other 20% I’m totally into. I’m hoping I can make it to 60 before I just throw my hands up, say fuck it, and listen to Nickleback. Bitches. :D

Just Because I Have an English Degree

Does not mean I am an editor/proofreader/copyeditor. And no, friend who inspired this post (you know who you are) I am not “calling you out” or “picking on you” but you DID bring something to my attention I feel needs to be addressed, so thank you. :D

I have an English degree. I generally can proofread things for you, and I usually will; however, you NEED to know the difference between editor, proofreader, and copyeditor. Here’s a good place to start. And this ALSO gives you a really good idea of which order you should do them in.

We don’t necessarily have the same skills. I can proof like a motherfucker, but editing is just not my thing. I tend to translate it into my voice which kind of defeats the whole purpose. What you write isn’t what I would write and that’s fine, but if you ask me to edit you you’re going to end up sounding very much like me. Because I’m just not a good editor.

So, writing 101:  find an editor you like, who gets your voice, and can effectively edit you. THEN you can call me to proof. I’ll likely be happy to do it. :D

However, if you ever want me to dissect Shakespeare or Jane Austen for you…call me. Bring a bottle of wine. :D

Half Year Reading List

I’m a little late on this one, but here’s my reading list so far this year. What are you reading? Post in the comments.

Divergent – Veronica Roth
Insurgent – Veronica Roth
Allegiant – Veronica Roth
Tales from the Nightside – Simon R. Green
Four: The Transfer – Veronica Roth
Four: The Initiate – Veronica Roth
Four: The Son – Veronica Roth
Four: The Traitor – Veronica Roth
Quick Fixes – F. Paul Wilson
Foxglove Summer – Ben Aaronovitch
Drinking: A Love Story – Caroline Knapp
Lily Cigar – Tom Murphy
Deadline – Craig McLay
The Locket Thief – Daniel Patrick
Identity (Eyes Wide Open, Book 1) – Ted Dekker
Mirrors (Eyes Wide Open, Book 2) – Ted Dekker
Unseen (Eyes Wide Open, Book 3) – Ted Dekker
Seer (Eyes Wide Open, Book 4) – Ted Dekker
Horns – Joe Hill (reread)
Winter’s Awakening – Karen Luellen
Heart-Shaped Box – Joe Hill (reread)
Balloon Animals – Jonathan Dunne
20th Century Ghosts – Joe Hill (reread)
Never Give in to Fear: Laughing All the Way Up from Rock Bottom – Marti MacGibbon
The Legend of Candy Claws – Aurelio Voltaire
Smoke Gets in Your Eyes – Caitlin Doughty
Joe – H. D. Gordon
Perv: The Sexual Deviant in All of Us – Jesse Bering
Paper Towns – John Green
The Fault in Our Stars – John Green
An Abundance of Katherines – John Green
Pioneer Girl – Laura Ingalls Wilder
Everything You Need to Know to Survive English Class – Blake M. Petit
Finders Keepers – Stephen King
The Lineage – Brian P. Easton

No, I Don’t Hate Kids

I hate asshole parents. Asshole parents who think their child is a “special snowflake”, “spirited” (my particular favorite), or, and OMG excuse me while I barf over this one, “Indigo”.


Kids only know what they’re taught. If you teach them they are super-special, unique, above the rules, or otherwise entitled, YOU ARE NOT HELPING YOUR CHILD. You are SERIOUSLY contributing to the plethora of thirty-five year olds living in basements.

Just stop.

Why Don’t You Have Kids?

Well, several reasons, young padawan. First and foremost, I’m not interested. Yes, I know you’ve been trained up to think all women want kids, but that’s actually not true. There are many of us who just don’t fucking care. So, there. We may or may not like kids, but we don’t want our own. Get over it.

Second, family history. MY family is a trainwreck of alcoholics; my late husband’s was a trainwreck of mental illness and fail. He killed himself at the age of 35. Imagine what my life would have been like had I had a child with him. Said kid would have been 2 or 3 at the time. NOPE. How can I tell my child, “Daddy had mental health issues and you may too, but hey, you’ll be okay”. NOPE. NOPE NOPE NOPE. And, NOPE. And don’t tell me it’s not genetic. You have NOT met his family. I have and that shit is TOTALLY genetic. No lie.

I ALWAYS said, if I REALLY wanted to be a parent, I’d adopt. The fact that I’m 48 and haven’t kind of tells you that no, I do NOT want to be a parent. NOPE.

If that’s your thing, go for it. Just stop acting like there is something wrong with me because I have no interest.

Life choices. Deal with it.

I Am the Son My Father Never Had…and I Learned By Osmosis.

I’m not even kidding. I DID follow my dad around and watch him work when I was a kid, but I never got beyond the stage of, “Hand me that wrench”.

Still, somehow, I learned a thing or two. Plus, I suspect I’m just naturally handy. In the six years I had my condo, I:

• rewired all the outlets – like, seriously, I would plug in the vacuum and the plug would LITERALLY fall out of the wall. NOPE. Also, ALMOND? How 1975 (okay, it was built in like ’77, so…) I went white.

• put in new light fixtures. Honestly, the hardest part of this process is to MAKE SURE THE ELECTRICITY IS TURNED OFF. No lie.

• fixed drywall. Okay, I’ll admit, I suck at this. But it was in a closet where I was going to install a stackable washer and dryer. It was a good place to try. I think my problem in this endeavor is that I completely lack the patience it requires to make this look good. Okay, well, I know my limitations now. I’ll hire that out in the future.

• replacing faucets. This is SUPER easy, provided you are part snake and can get under the sink. My back hurt for two days, but fuck it…I did it. Bathroom AND kitchen.

• painting. I ROCK at this. Seriously, tape is for amateurs. Get yourself a good angle brush and go to work on the trim. I painted a 900+ square foot condo over the course of probably a year, and it. Was. AWESOME. I even ripped off the cabinet doors (word to the wise, label them so you know where they go; they may all look the same, but they are NOT) AND even filled in the holes the previous owner made to put in unnecessary pulls. Those fuckers looked AWESOME.

I LOVED that fixer-upper project, but I’m too old and lazy to do it again. Now I rent and tsk tsk when someone else does it. LOL

Stop Apologizing for Being Childfree

I’m really happy there have been a lot of really good articles about being childfree coming out lately, but I have one problem with all of them.

Every last one. EVERY. LAST. ONE. puts in a line that says something like, “I’m not knocking parenting, I’m sure a lot of people find it fulfilling, but”…


Why do the people writing these articles feel it’s necessary to “apologize” for their opinion? Are they really that afraid of being attacked? I don’t understand the backpedaling here.

You have an opinion. Own it. There is absolutely NO reason to pander to people who want kids in an article about why you don’t. Have you EVER seen a parent do this? EVER? NO, YOU HAVE NOT. So stop it, already.

I swear this is one of the reasons the parenting set don’t take us seriously. Stop pandering, stop apologizing, stop being a freaking wuss. State your opinion, stand by it, and put on your asbestos underwear and deal with the people that don’t like it.

That is the ONLY way we are ever going to be taken seriously, so either fight the battle or go work in the cook’s tent and STFU.